depression-take-me-away
I am trying to see things in perspective. My dog wants a bite of my peanut butter chocolate chip bagel. I know she cannot have this, because chocolate makes dogs very sick. My dog does not understand this. She pouts and wraps herself around my leg like a scarf and purrs and tries to convince me to give her just a tiny bit. When I do not give in, she eventually gives up and lays in the corner, under the piano, drooping and sad. I hope the universe has my best interest in mind like I have my dog’s. When I want something with my whole being, and the universe withholds it from me, I hope the universe thinks to herself: "Silly girl. She thinks this is what she wants, but she does not understand how it will hurt.
THEORIES ABOUT THE UNIVERSE by Blythe Baird (via thearistocatic)
aplaceforthesoul

Anonymous asked:

15/F I have social anxiety and PTSD. I hate myself and I have self harmed before. I think I have depression, anxiety, body dysphormia disorder. I want to talk to my doctor and get better but I don't want my mom to think in crazy or faking. I seriously think I have depression but idk cause I'm happy sometimes. I'm really happy sometimes too. But i have many days where I'm so depressed I cry all day or feel nothing at all. I hate myself so much I want an e.d so I'll be skinny. I need help. :/

aplaceforthesoul answered:

you really should talk to someone, your doctor, or even a therapist. you are most likely dealing with those mental disorders, and they need to be handled and treated so you can stop suffering so much on your own. there is a stigma around mental illness, but most people you see in a day might have some sort of mental illness, but they’re not in a straight jacket or locked away. you really should get help, and especially if your doctor gives their profession opinion to your mother, she won’t believe that you are faking. most parents might not understand, but you can always show her internet resources on those topics; i did that with both of my parents, since they tried to understand what i’m going through. you can be happy and have depression; i was severely depressed, but i could laugh at a tv show or a comedian easily. 

as for hating yourself, that’s a very hard thing to deal with. now, your words stating that you “want an ED” are extremely insensitive and ignorant in a way. you don’t just “get” an eating disorder, it’s another mental illness fueled by anxiety and negative body image. no one asks for that illness, not one person who has gone through that hell wants to have that experience ever again. being skinny won’t solve your problems anon, you’ll find something else to hate about yourself. your weight isn’t the problem, its your brain telling you it is.

please get yourself the help you need, you will be so thankful in the long run. sometimes we need to deal with darkness so we can appreciate the light.

~ taleisha

thebulimickittensproject

lachlan26:

This is just an accumulation of photos uploaded and comments Olivia Penpraze made online. With her blog gone, at least some of what she said can be viewed by others, if they haven’t already seen it:

People Have Noticed Olivia

"This was Olivia’s Comment with the photo upload or her looking down"

okay here goes nothing:

this is me. i am really self-conscious at the moment so i’m sorry but you can’t really see my face and eyes etc.

my arms look long and skinny, but the camera is lying. i’m fat and ugly all over and i won’t believe anything other than that.

you can’t see my scars, which is good because i’m terribly ashamed of them.

i hate posting pictures of myself because i’m terrified of all the hate i’ll get from anons, and the voices in my head. i can already hear them calling me names for wanting to post this. i’m so scared.

but here you go followers, this is me.

One of her messages of encouragement and hope 

dear all my followers who are going through struggles at

the moment, i just want you all to know that i am here

for you, no matter what. i don’t care how well we know

each other, i love you all, you’re all amazing, lovely,

beautiful people and none of you deserve any of the

terrible things you’re going through. so please, stay

strong and keep holding on, because one day things will

get better and you should be alive to see how amazing it

can be

The post originally made when she uploaded her card video a couple of months ago 

so i guess this is like my secrets video thing, so you guys can get to know me better c:

please take your time to watch this, i know it may be a bit long for some of you, but i think i came to a good point, hopefully if people reblog this, something can be done about bullying and suicide related to bullying. hopefully one day people will be able to get better treatment for depression, and people will notice the signs when someone they love isn’t their normal self, and will help them get help. i want to make things change, but i’m just one person who doesn’t mean anything, i don’t know hdkjsahda.

and just in case, i’m sorry if this has made you cry, or feel sad, or feel anything bad :(

okay i love you guys

The comment she uploaded with her grade 12 photo

okay photos for the anons: 1. this is the most recent photo i have of me because i’m too self conscious at the moment to take photos of myself, so enjoy this one of me cutting out my hands on the first day of year 12 c:

The rest are some darker ones, just to show what she was feeling, as well as the frame of mind she was in. There were other small posts - but these seemed to be the key ones

This was in response to a re-blogged photo.

this actually is a bit triggering asdfgklaj sigh.
when i hallucinate when i’m suicidal or when my mood is low the evil people always fucking strangle me. it’s fucking terrible.
and in reality it’s me strangling myself, that’s what the world sees.
but not for me, i see and feel others doing it do me.

She could never believe it

and i’ll never forget it
i’ll never believe that i’m beautiful.
ever.

“I wish I was beautiful” - more to the point, i wish i could at least think that i was beautiful.

She thought that she should be dead

i really should have.

i fucking hate the fact i fucking magically survive everything i should have died from fuck fuck fuck

 

45) things i will never be: (2 months ago)

·         beautiful

·         pretty

·         gorgeous

·         stunning

·         amazing

·         skinny

·         smart

·         sexy

·         cute

·         happy

·         wanted

·         loved

R.I.P Olivia - A poor girl who was lead to believe horrible things about herself throughout her life. I am posting this so everyone can see what bullying did to her. Some people are saying bullying wasn’t the only cause - but it sure as hell wasn’t a small factor, this is clear with her posts

All the quoted pieces of text were posted by Olivia Penpraze (bulimickittens)
This was her last message post:

dear all my lovely followers,

i’m posting this to tell you all goodbye.

i’m sorry that i haven’t been on much, i’m sorry i haven’t been here for you guys even though i know you all seem to be here for me. it’s not fair, and i’m sorry.

lately, things have just sunk so low, and it’s made me realise that it’s time for me to go. my mind has finally realised it too, that being alive just isn’t working for me, and it’s finally clicked, finally my mind has lost the little part of it that wanted to keep living and to keep pushing through. i’m glad that it’s finally happened, because it was so hard to fight with myself between living and dying, but now, i’ve finally won, and death it will be.

it’s too late to say or do anything that will change my mind, i’m certain of this.

i can’t find anything to live for anymore, the only thing i want is to be dead, i don’t care what happens to me when i die, i have my beliefs of a happier place, but i don’t even care if i go to hell, because anything is better than this life.

i can’t express how sorry i am that it’s come to this. i never wanted to hurt anyone other than myself. and i’m sorry. i’m just so sorry. i think i’m filled with so much guilt over everything, the only thing i can do is apologise for everything.

i just can’t live with this pain anymore, and i’ve been trying hard for so long to make it better, but i just can’t fix anything, and i’ve given up on trying, and i’m sorry for that too.

please just know that this is what i want, if you want the best for me, and want me to be happy, you’ll let me go through with this. please understand that this is the only option i have, please understand that i can’t do this anymore. i just can’t.

again, i’m so sorry. please stay strong, all of you who are struggling, and remember that your life is worth it. i know it’s contradictory, but your lives will get better, and you will find things to live for, you will be happy. all the terrible things in your lives with eventually go away. it will be okay, i promise.

i will still be here until at least friday night, but after then, if i stop posting, you will know why. i think it’s better writing this in advanced, i don’t know.

but just know that this is my goodbye.

thank you all for everything you’ve done, without tumblr, i wouldn’t have been able to hold on this long.

goodbye,

love olivia. ♥

A soul lost far too young

In horrible circumstances

No one could save her, but maybe as a result, others can be saved
R.I.P Olivia

xx

thebulimickittensproject

tawnks:

the one thing that has stuck with me every day since my English teacher told me it in middle school is:

"When referring to someone, always say who they are before anything else about them, because being a person always comes first"

Instead of saying “the mentally ill man,” say “the man with a mental illness”

Putting someone’s characteristics (especially negative ones) before them is dehumanizing and rude. Don’t do it.