This is just an accumulation of photos uploaded and comments Olivia Penpraze made online. With her blog gone, at least some of what she said can be viewed by others, if they haven’t already seen it:
People Have Noticed Olivia
"This was Olivia’s Comment with the photo upload or her looking down"
okay here goes nothing:
this is me. i am really self-conscious at the moment so i’m sorry but you can’t really see my face and eyes etc.
my arms look long and skinny, but the camera is lying. i’m fat and ugly all over and i won’t believe anything other than that.
you can’t see my scars, which is good because i’m terribly ashamed of them.
i hate posting pictures of myself because i’m terrified of all the hate i’ll get from anons, and the voices in my head. i can already hear them calling me names for wanting to post this. i’m so scared.
but here you go followers, this is me.
One of her messages of encouragement and hope
dear all my followers who are going through struggles at
the moment, i just want you all to know that i am here
for you, no matter what. i don’t care how well we know
each other, i love you all, you’re all amazing, lovely,
beautiful people and none of you deserve any of the
terrible things you’re going through. so please, stay
strong and keep holding on, because one day things will
get better and you should be alive to see how amazing it
can be ♥
The post originally made when she uploaded her card video a couple of months ago
so i guess this is like my secrets video thing, so you guys can get to know me better c:
please take your time to watch this, i know it may be a bit long for some of you, but i think i came to a good point, hopefully if people reblog this, something can be done about bullying and suicide related to bullying. hopefully one day people will be able to get better treatment for depression, and people will notice the signs when someone they love isn’t their normal self, and will help them get help. i want to make things change, but i’m just one person who doesn’t mean anything, i don’t know hdkjsahda.
and just in case, i’m sorry if this has made you cry, or feel sad, or feel anything bad :(
okay i love you guys ♥
The comment she uploaded with her grade 12 photo
okay photos for the anons: 1. this is the most recent photo i have of me because i’m too self conscious at the moment to take photos of myself, so enjoy this one of me cutting out my hands on the first day of year 12 c:
The rest are some darker ones, just to show what she was feeling, as well as the frame of mind she was in. There were other small posts - but these seemed to be the key ones
This was in response to a re-blogged photo.
this actually is a bit triggering asdfgklaj sigh.
when i hallucinate when i’m suicidal or when my mood is low the evil people always fucking strangle me. it’s fucking terrible.
and in reality it’s me strangling myself, that’s what the world sees.
but not for me, i see and feel others doing it do me.
She could never believe it
and i’ll never forget it
i’ll never believe that i’m beautiful.
“I wish I was beautiful” - more to the point, i wish i could at least think that i was beautiful.
She thought that she should be dead
i really should have.
i fucking hate the fact i fucking magically survive everything i should have died from fuck fuck fuck
45) things i will never be: (2 months ago)
R.I.P Olivia - A poor girl who was lead to believe horrible things about herself throughout her life. I am posting this so everyone can see what bullying did to her. Some people are saying bullying wasn’t the only cause - but it sure as hell wasn’t a small factor, this is clear with her posts
All the quoted pieces of text were posted by Olivia Penpraze (bulimickittens)
This was her last message post:
dear all my lovely followers,
i’m posting this to tell you all goodbye.
i’m sorry that i haven’t been on much, i’m sorry i haven’t been here for you guys even though i know you all seem to be here for me. it’s not fair, and i’m sorry.
lately, things have just sunk so low, and it’s made me realise that it’s time for me to go. my mind has finally realised it too, that being alive just isn’t working for me, and it’s finally clicked, finally my mind has lost the little part of it that wanted to keep living and to keep pushing through. i’m glad that it’s finally happened, because it was so hard to fight with myself between living and dying, but now, i’ve finally won, and death it will be.
it’s too late to say or do anything that will change my mind, i’m certain of this.
i can’t find anything to live for anymore, the only thing i want is to be dead, i don’t care what happens to me when i die, i have my beliefs of a happier place, but i don’t even care if i go to hell, because anything is better than this life.
i can’t express how sorry i am that it’s come to this. i never wanted to hurt anyone other than myself. and i’m sorry. i’m just so sorry. i think i’m filled with so much guilt over everything, the only thing i can do is apologise for everything.
i just can’t live with this pain anymore, and i’ve been trying hard for so long to make it better, but i just can’t fix anything, and i’ve given up on trying, and i’m sorry for that too.
please just know that this is what i want, if you want the best for me, and want me to be happy, you’ll let me go through with this. please understand that this is the only option i have, please understand that i can’t do this anymore. i just can’t.
again, i’m so sorry. please stay strong, all of you who are struggling, and remember that your life is worth it. i know it’s contradictory, but your lives will get better, and you will find things to live for, you will be happy. all the terrible things in your lives with eventually go away. it will be okay, i promise.
i will still be here until at least friday night, but after then, if i stop posting, you will know why. i think it’s better writing this in advanced, i don’t know.
but just know that this is my goodbye.
thank you all for everything you’ve done, without tumblr, i wouldn’t have been able to hold on this long.
love olivia. ♥
A soul lost far too young
In horrible circumstances
No one could save her, but maybe as a result, others can be saved